The Three Year Rule

After 10 years, LeBron put a ring on it...

On Thanksgiving Day, my beloved and I were driving up to my parent's house. We were discussing past relationships and I mumbled something about my 3 year rule. Boo was baffled. What is a 3 year rule?

I believe that relationships should not  go past three years without an engagement, talk of marriage, or some sort of talk about long term plans for a relationship. I believe if you have been in a relationship for 3 years and you do not know if you want to marry that person, then you are wasting your time. Now, I don't believe you have to be married within 3 years, but you should know where the relationship is going and both parties should be clear about this.

LaLa & Carmelo Anthony were engaged for 6 years before they made it to the altar.

Now Boo thought I was just giving out some arbitrary timeline and trying to give him a nudge, which I'm not. We ended up having this debate for a few days and included my parents in the talk. I think he understands where I'm coming from. But he was like, if I don't ask you to marry me in 3 years you are just going to leave me?

I'm not X-ing out the days on my calendar until 2014, but I'm no fool either. I just explained to him that in year 1 we are learning each other and getting comfortable. In year 2, usually something happens to make you realize this person is or isn't the one for you. You may have to deal with a health scare, a death in the family, financial trouble, or some kind of setback that will show you that your significant other is going to step up to the challenge or dip out on you. The third year should be you two planning how you are going to spend the rest of your lives together, or saying "I can't really see it with you" and chunkin up the deuces.

After 7 years Jim Jones put a ring on it... But Chrissy asked him first...

This blog was saved as a draft for a month or so now. I dusted it off after news of LeBron James proposing to longtime girlfriend Savannah Brinson hit the net. And then I saw the episode of Love & Hip Hop where Jim Jones proposed to girlfriend Chrissy Lampkin, after she proposed to him. It got me thinking about the the 3 year rule again. Now, I'm merely speculating based on what I've read on the gossip blogs or seen on reality TV, but if these girls are so pressed to marry these men, why are they waiting so damn long for the men to come around?

Me personally, I couldn't just sit around waiting for 7 or 10 years, having his babies, and doing wifely things without making it official. I'm old school in that I still see value and prestige in getting married. But I have learned from my own failed marriage that you have to marry the right person. Now I have a friend that has been with her man for over a decade, beautiful home, beautiful family and they are HAPPY, but they decided to not get married. He did propose and gave her a beautiful engagement ring and it works for them. But my friend is not calling me crying, asking why won't he do the right thing.

Emily is still waiting for Fabolous to put a ring on it; I'm just waiting for him to look happy to be with her.

I think my point is if you want to get married, that is a discussion that has to be held with your partner. I think it's something to be disclosed upfront, as in "one day I'd like to be a wife and/or mother, once I meet and settle down with the right man (and don't panic, I'm not saying that's you)"; and then again after a relationship has been established, as in "we are in love and have a great relationship, and I can see us going long term. What are your thoughts?'. If he says he doesn't want to get married (like marriage is not in the cards for him with you or anyone), or he's uncertain about a future with you, then you have to decide to fold, check or go all in. He may come around eventually, but are you gambling with the best years of your life for someone who doesn't think you are a sure bet?

What are your thoughts? How long have you waited? Are you still waiting? Speak on it in the comments section!